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Tuesday, April 25, 2017

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  My fiancee and I are going to get married on St. Thomas in the USVI. It will be a private ceremony with just the two of us. We would like to send an announcement to our friends and family members about our marriage. We plan on having a reception at a later date that is yet to be determined. Should we include a registry with the announcement or wait until we determine the date of the reception which will probably be about two months after the wedding?
  What is the appropriate way to sign a shower gift card for your husbands adult niece? This is a second marriage for both me & my husband. I do not know his brother, sister-in-law and niece well although I have been with my husband for 7 years. My dilemma is whether to sign the card "Aunt" or just my given name. I don't want it to appear that I don't want to be referred to as "Aunt". The situation is a bit convoluted as my husbands ex-wife is still part of the family and is considered the "aunt" and is actually hosting the shower. She has known the bride to be since birth, whereas I have only been around for 7 years and have not been an inetgral part of the brides life. Actually I have only met her a handful of times. The bride is the daughter of my husbands brother. Your help is greatly appreciated.
  I want to invite some of my friends to my future D-I-L's shower but I can't invite them to the wedding because we work weekends and the wedding is on their weekend to work . Is it okay to invite them to the shower but not the wedding? MIL
  Hi Valerie, My son and his fiancée were given a large sum of money from the bride’s father to spend on there wedding however they see fit. They decided to have a destination wedding in Cancun to save money so they could use the rest on a down payment for a house. The resort where they are staying is all inclusive and covers all the expenses and is quite expensive. Now they are telling my ex wife that we are responsible for the flowers and the photographer which she does not have a problem with but l do. Not only is this an expensive destination which means that no one from my side of the family will be able to attend, l am not even sure if l can afford to go much less pay for half of the flowers and the photographer. I’m at a loss here because l want to see my son get married but l think there being unreasonable and thoughtless of others with in the family. What is the protocol for these types of situations? I am leaning towards just telling them l can not afford to go and just stay home. Thank you, George
  Brides parents are paying for everything, from posting the engagement announcement in the newspaper, to paying for all vendors at the entire wedding. Groom's family is paying for rehersal dinner and flowers. If the 12 bridesmaids ask mother of bride for help with the bridal shower, could she decline?
  We have a dilemma in planning my daughters wedding/reception. The church we are members at frowns at dancing at the receptions. This would be very offensive to many people there. However, neither my daughter, her fiance' nor both families have a problem with it. My daughter and her fiance' want dancing at the reception. My daughter wants to make everyone happy. It seems we are in a no win situation. If we have wedding at a different venue (with a stranger marrying them) and invite everyone and let them choose to come or not we will still offend people because they wont understand why she isn't getting married at her church she is active in and probably hurting the pastors feelings too (who is a very loving person) My daughter doesn't like the idea of having the ceremony at a different venue. Her "idea wedding" would be at her church with the reception following including everyone, but because of the dancing involved this would not be acceptable and because of church rules, the pastor would probably not be allowed to marry them or us use the church. The only solution I could think of would be to have two receptions. Would it be wrong to have two receptions. One in the basement with finger food, dessert etc and then later that day, by special invitation, still have a sit down dinner followed by dancing at a different venue for family and close out of town friends (who would not be offended by the dancing)? We are trying to make everyone happy and include everyone, but still have what my daughter wants. Any help or thoughts will be much appreciated! We need to know what is etiquette.
  another question, me and my fh have been living together for over three years now, needless to say we have everything a married couple would need, toaster, pots, pans etc. etc. etc. So we will not be registering anywhere, is word of mouth the best way to let my guest know that IF they wanted to bring a gift, to just give money? Nothing should be placed in the invitation about it correct?
  Hi Valerie. I got married on 1/11/09 and asked you a question awhile ago (before I got married) and I appreciated your answer, so I decided to come to you with a post-wedding question. Our wedding was very small, we only invited about 50 people, 40 of which RSVPed that they would be attending. My husband invited about 10 of the guys that he works with and they all RSVPed that they would come. Come wedding day, even after my husband reminded these men over and over, 7 of them did not show up (a few of them were also bringing guests which had been added to the final count). I was using a very expensive caterer (one of the reasons it was a small wedding) but I had to have a minimum amount of people attending, which was 35 people. Because these guys from work did not show up, I not only had to pay for thier food and drinks (we also had an open bar, charged by the person prior to the wedding) but I had an additional fee added on because I did not meet the minimum person requirement the day of the wedding. These guys cost us about an extra $1500 by not showing. Not to mention we had a table where only 2 guests ended up seated which was embarrassing. My husband was not involved in the planning (well, not the financial end of it) so he doesn't really understand how big a deal it was, he mainly blames the caterers and their policy. He is still friendly with these guys from work who never said more than "sorry man, I forgot". I on the other hand, am furious. I have to see these guys when I go to see my husband at work or at work related functions. Should I say something to them or just try to let it go? I don't want to make my husband uncomfortable at work, but part of me is just incredulous at their rude behavior. It has also been awhile since the wedding, so maybe too much time has passed to worry about it any longer. It just irks me when I am still paying off he wedding and have to see that extra money on our credit card bills. Please advise me what I should do here! Thanks!
  I just got back from my daughter's wedding, it was very small but very nice and personal. But I notice the groom's father wasn't wearing a suit jacket at all, just a shirt and tie. I was wearing a suit. Do you think the groom's father was trying to insult me. He also wanted a picture of me and the groom and himself taking out are inside liner of our pockets, what does this mean! I been out of work for over a year and told my daughter that I would not be able to help with the wedding. I'm deeply hurt in the matter that I couldn't help pay for the wedding. But my daughter told me not to worry about it. Do you think the groom's father made a bad judgement.
  Our younger daughter is getting married this year and her older sister and her sister's fiancee are both in the wedding. Our older daughter is getting married next year. Should our younger daughter invite the parents of her sister's fiancee to the wedding and does our older sister need to invite the parents of what will then be her sister-n-law's parents? The two sets of parents have been in each other's company once and live in different states.
  Hi Val I am 47 yrs old about to marry the man of my dreams I lost my mom at my birth my father has been a great dad . But my dilemma is he has been married 3 times wife 2 played a major role in my life and that of my children. Wife 2 we split on bad terms about 25yrs ago but have since re=connected and I could not have pulled off this wedding without her .And his present wife well lets just say we tolerate one another. My question is how should I list these women on the wedding day profram (mothers ot the bride) 0r just pick 1, without hurt feelings or disrespect????
  Hello Valerie, My parents are paying for a significant portion of my wedding. My fiance's parents may or may not chip in, and my finace and I are covering the rest of the costs. Recently my fiance had a disagreement with my parents about the guest list. My parents feel that guests should be invited that may be related to either the bride or the groom, but that may not have a personal relationship with us. My fiance feels that these guests should not be invited, and that the guests that are invited should know one of us personally. He told my parents that the bride's side could do this, but he personally would not allow his parents to invite anyone that he didn't know well enough to have a conversation with. First of all, I tend to agree with my parents that the our wedding is a celebration for them as well, and that they should be able to share this day with others. I tend to disagree that they get involved with my fiance's decision to only include people he knows very well. What are your suggestions? I really want everyone to get along and for the process to go as smoothly as possible. I don't want there to be any problems between my parents and my faince, especially since I currently have a very strong relationship with both.
  My daughter has to postpone her wedding, the bridal shower is in 3 days. The cake and all decos and presents are paid for. Should we go ahead and have the shower, or call everyone and cancel?She is still getting married but not for a few months now.
  my best friend of over 10 years has asked me to be her maid of honor. i'm thrilled...but less than thrilled about the dress situation. she hasn't picked any out yet but I will be the biggest girl (weight and chest size). i tried suggesting a halter style or something that I wouldn't bust out of. she told me that i could look at style and then told me i was overstepping. I don't know what to do. I'm not about to stand up as her made of honor in a dress that my boobs and everything else are falling out of.
  We are discussing a Sunday garden wedding, possibly in the morning, and am concerned about the logistics of decorating, etc. Is a Sunday morning wedding considered appropriate? If so, are there any guidelines you can offer. With a morning wedding, we would have a lunch reception.
  Please help me! I have lived with Gil for 28 years. He was married to Kay all of these years, but never bothered to get a divorce for several reasons--money, her health, laziness. After many years, we all became friendly, and all had truly wonderful relationships. Unfortunately, in October, she suddenly passed away. Gil and I are now planning a July wedding. We did not want to immediately get married, so felt that nine months would be a "proper time," although there is nothing really "proper" about our situation. We are getting married at a reception hall by a judge. We are planning on having family and a few close friends (maybe 75-100 people), although everyone we know wants to attend, to see it to believe it, after all of these years. Most of the attendees will be from in town, although there may be a small amount of people coming in from out of town. Gil has 2 kids, 2 stepkids and 4 grandkids who we both adore. I have never been married, so I would like to have a wedding, not just go downtown or elope. We don't need or want anything, so we plan on putting "no gifts" on the invitations. I assume this is ok? Is it ok for me to wear an informal white wedding dress? If not, any suggestions? Do we need to have a rehearsal and/or a rehearsal dinner? What about my friends who have said they want to have a shower for me? What would be acceptable? Any advise you have for us would be greatly appreciated. I realize this is an unusual situation.
  Hi Valerie, I am in a bit of an unexpected dilemma. I have already sent out save the date cards for my wedding which is to take place on July 25, 2009. We have found out that we are pregnant, (totally unplanned) and have thought over our "big wedding". We have decided that having 200 people and paying so much is not a smart thing to do with a new baby in the picture. We still want to get married on this day but want to scale down the list of guests. Is there any way to un-invite some of the guests due to the situation? I was thinking maybe sending pregnancy announcements stating that we are having a more intimate wedding due to the unexpected arrival of our baby?? Please help!!
  In today's age of blended families it seems this must come up for a lot of brides. Assuming everyone is qualified, what is the correct order of choice for the brides escort down the isle? In my case my natural daughter chose to have her mother walk her down the isle rather than choose between her natural dad and her step dad for fear of hurting one or the other. Both dads are now equally hurt. How will the guests perceive this, perhaps both dads are worthless?
  Hi Valerie! Ok, here's my question(s), This is my 2nd wedding, fiance's 1st, he wants to get married at his church, which is baptist and I am Catholic, which doesn't matter. He wants an old fashioned "big" wedding and since it's my 2nd I wanted a more private beach wedding. We cannot agree at all! He wants several people in the wedding too, and I was hoping for maybe 2. HELP! What's the etiquette for these situations??
  What is the spacing etiquette between weddings within the same family? The first one is the bride and groom's first marriage. The second is the groom's second marriage and the bride's first.
  Our daughter's fiance' is stationed in Japan with the Navy. Originally, they planned their wedding for 2010 when he returns. They can't be apart that long so when he comes home for 2 weeks in Dec. They plan on having a very small, family ceremony at home while he is here and she will return with him to Japan. In 2010, when they return to the states they will go with their original plans for "the big day" inviting EVERYONE. Is there a way to announce their marriage now and include their future plans for their "formal wedding" in 2010. We have many "family friends" and friends who would love to know of their marriage and move to Japan, but also would be disappointed not having shared in the big day so I'd like them to know "the big day" is in the future for all to share.
  We are putting the engagement announcement in the paper and have come upon a problem. How would you list parents of the groom if the mother has remarried but kept the last name of the ex-husband? This means the divorced parent have the same last name and the stepfather has a different name. Should the stepfather be listed at all?
  Hello Valerie, What is the etiquette on wearing your wedding gown at a post wedding reception? Thanks
  I am the mother of the groom, and my husband and I are hosting the Rehearsal Dinner. It is being held at a Yacht Club, and therefore is not a formal situation. The caterer requires the guests' choice of entree one week ahead of time. I want to have place cards for each person attending. On the back will be a code or sticker for the waiters to identify that guest's entree choice. This also prevents switching choices. My question is: How do I address the place cards? James Smith or Mr. James Smith? Mary Smith or Mrs. James Smith? I greatly appreciate your response. Thank you. Dorothy
  Hi Valerie, I'm getting married in August and I'm trying to figure out the correct etiquette for wording on my invitations. My mother passed away 7 years ago and my dad got remarried 4 years ago. My stepmom is wonderful and has contributed immensely to my wedding, but I want to include my mom's name on the invitations as well. Can you help me with how I could mention both of them properly? Thank you!
  Valerie, currently we are going to classes through our church which are required prior to our wedding. We meet at a couples home weekly. Is it proper etiquette that we extend an invitation to them to our wedding?
  We are having a fairly large wedding (200) and are having a real problem with who to invite. I am close to my aunt and 2 of my cousins but not the other 2 cousins can I just invite the 2 I am close too? What about just inviting some people to the church and the dance and not the meal part is this ok??
  Our minister has been retired for 13 years. We really would love him to officiate at our wedding. He livesout of town. Do we pay for his airfare or transportation to our destination? Do we also invitehis wife and pay for her airfare?
  Do the parents of the bride and groom give them a wedding gift in addition to paying for the ceremony, reception, rehearsal dinner and honeymoon?
  Hi Valerie! For our wedding, my finace would like our guests in lieu of gifts to donate a dollar amount to go towards the down pymt of our first home. I think it is a good idea but would also like to register as we need simple things in addition i do not want our guest to feel pressured with deciding a dollar amount to give. They could use the gift registry. Is it bad etiquette to do this and/or both and how does one word this?
  Do you have to have the traditional bouget and garder toss?
  i am wondering, i have a few girls that i am inviting just to the reception. (not to the cermony or dinner), can i still invite them to the bachlorette party, and bridal shower? or is it only "proper ettiquette" to invite the guests that are invited to everything?
  We live in Michigan. Our son has asked a lovely girl to marry him. She said yes! He has been living in Texas for the past three years. Our future daughter-n-law also lives in Texas The wedding will be in Texas in September of 2008. We have a large extended family and a large church family. How to we go about letting people know of the up coming wedding? Is there an appropriate way to find out who might be able to attend the wedding. Is it okay to have a bridal shower for the couple in Michigan?
  Hi, this is Amanda. My dad has two sisters and I was wondering if it was rude to only invite one of them. I am not close to one at all and haven't spoken to her or my uncle in years. However my other aunt and her still speak, so she will find out that the other one was invited. What do I do?
  Should you buy the host of your bridal shower a thank you gift? Thank you!
  We are planning a somewhat large wedding for our daughter to take place next year. Everything has been booked, location, caterer, band, etc. We have found out that our daughter and fiancee have secretly gotten married at a court house due to his being in the military and the need for them to get "paperwork" done in case he is deployed. They are still wanting to have the ceremony next year with all the guest, etc. At first I said "no" and that I would support having the reception only. But as friends and family are finding out, they are all saying to let them have the religious ceremony. If we do this, I do not want to deceive the guests. Should we allow this (and pay for it)? And if so, how should the invitations read? Thank you for your help.
  is it appropriate to give everyone in the reception a wedding favor? Example vendors, or only couples.
  My daughter is getting married this October. We are in the process of getting back all of the response cards. The other day we received a response card that was addressed to MR & MRS. X. and only MR. & MRS. X. The card came back stating that not 2, but 4 would be attending the wedding...Their adult daughter and her boyfriend. (They were not on the invitation list). My future son-in-law has a very "Oh well." attitude about it. We are the one's who are paying for the entire wedding....my daughter is appalled at the arrogance...my husband is really mad...and the future in-laws are also of the...well, they responded, there's nothing that can be done...they ARE friends of the family. We, like most families, are on a budget, which was explained to the bride, groom, and his parents! What is the correct way to handle this situation? Please advise.
  Hi Valerie, we are having our wedding in Hawaii and I was wondering if it was proper to invite everyone that we would of invited if we were having it in our hometown. I know some people can't afford a trip to Hawaii so I don't want them to think I'm just inviting them for a presant.
  Hello, Valerie, I was trying to keep our wedding in Honolulu simple with only one maid of honor and one Best Man. I was also not going to have a flower girl or ring bearer. Is there something wrong with that?
  If Iwas a bridesmaid or maid of honor in someone's wedding, is it proper etiquette to ask them to be in my wedding?
  At the bridal shower are the brides attendants responsible for purchasing things for the wedding? Cake cutters, etc?????
  My daughter has just gotten engaged. They would like to get married in Febuary of 08. My niece is also getting married , but in May of 08. Is it wrong for my daughter to set her date before my niece has her wedding? My niece had to wait until they could get the Church for the wedding, because of a waiting list, we have no problem getting the date for my daughter's wedding. Should my in-laws be upset?
  I need some help in writing a note to my future daughter in law I am not good with words and want to express how i feel without being to corny or wrong Can you help me
  Hello Valerie, My daugher and her fiancé decided to marry (5/5/06) in Hawaii, because he was to deploy less than 3 weeks for six months. They had a ceremony on the beach with a few friends (no family) in attendance followed by a small, informal reception. Now that deployments are behind them for a few years, we would like to have their marriage blessed in front of family and friends here on the East Coast. Is this acceptable? Can she wear the wedding dress of her dreams and have her father escort her down the aisle? Can we have a reception? How would we word the Save the Date and invitation so as not to confuse?
  My friend's boyfriend of 9 years has a son being marrried soon. The bride did not send an invitation to the father of the groom (thought over 300 invites were sent) but insteead in the presence of his long term girlfriend said "you know you are invited" but did not include her. The son and my friend are on good terms and have a good relationship, shouldn't the bridge and groom had invited her as well? Also shouldn't her children, of whom the bridge and groom also know well, be invited. I say this is an etiquette faux pa. My friend is not sure whether she should just attend or if they are just etiquette ignorant.
  my 29 year son has just gotten enjaged, which i am delighted to hear. my concern is my daughter (is little sister) was killed in a car accident on aug 21,2006. we are nit sure how we can include her memoery in the wedding & all that goes with it. any advice is welcome. thank you
  My daughter is planning a July 7th wedding and has found out she is five weeks pregnant. What is a mother to do? The plans are in place. Is there any etiquette that covers this unexpected situtation. I need some help?
  i would like to comment on the question from the single person and her problem with her lack of an and guest..... as a soon to be bride putting together a guest list, it is most important to get your loved ones there to share in your day. If space is available, then perhaps an and 1 is appropriate. I would like to point out that it is completely inappropriate to assume you are able to bring a guest. Your invitation should clearly indicate the person/people invited and if no other name is indicated, obviously you come alone, sorry if you are inconvienced, but you can't tell me you don't think this would be an inconvience to the bride and groom who have already planned for a certain number. Sometime the numbers just don't allow and you need to deal with it, take you guest to dinner at a later time or meet up with them later if you feel you need to be with them that badly. You can also think about it when you are putting together a guest list of your own wedding someday and have to figure out what is more important, staying within budget and having those you want or pandering to your guests...this is your day.... please don't be rude enough to the bride and groom and add stress and anger to them on their special day.
  I am getting married and it will be a small wedding in my home, dad and mom are divorced and I want them both to be there, but the problem is dad's fiance was also his mistress when he was married to mom. I don't want to hurt anyone. What do I do?
  My son was married two months ago. I invited my friend (of 40 plus years ) and her husband to the wedding. They sent their regrets and did not attend. My friend has known my son since the day he was born, and I have always attended their children's weddings and have given birthday gifts to her grandchildren. my friend did not send a shower gift or a wedding card nor a gift to my son and his wife. I am offended and I want to confront her about this and end our "friendship". I believe ENVY is at the root of her actions. Let me know your thoughts on this. Thanks PD
  Is it proper to have an engagement party? And if so, whose family should have it, the bride's or the groom's?
  Hello, I have two questions. First I'am the bride to be, both of my parents have past away. How do I write annoument on the invations ect?. Since my father is not with us. My son a grown young man. Would it be okay for him to walk me down the aisle?
  Hi, Valerie Me and my husband are renewl our vows for 25 years next year and i was wondering if I should walk down the aisle? Or do you have any suggestions I want to do the ceremony at a hotel banquet room. Please can you help. Or if you know of a good theme that might work to.
  A FRIEND OF MY MINE POSED THIS QUESTION. WHAT DO YOU DO IF TWO MONTHS AFTER YOUR MARRIAGE YOUR HUSBAND LEAVES YOU AND WANTS A DIVORCE? DO YOU STILL SEND OUT THE THANK YOU CARDS, OR DO YOU RETURN ALL THE GIFTS? WHAT IS THE PROPER ETTIQUE FOR THIS SITUATION. (NO THERE IS NO CHANCE OF RECONCILIATION.) DIVORCE IS IN PROGRESS.
  I have been with my boyfriend for one month and we are engaged, I know it happened fast but we are getting married in just under 7 months, next may. I'm not sure what to get for my bridesmaids and my maid of honor. please help because I have no idea what is okay and what is going overboard (i'm a big giftgiver) so I tend to spend alot, but the wedding is already very expensive and I dont make alot. I will still be in high school when we get married so I only work part time at a little over minimum wage.
  Desitnation Weddings. What is the proper etiquette as far as gift giving? If I'm flying to Mexico to go to the wedding am I expected to give a gift as well? What would Emily Post say?
  Hi Valerie, My nephew is getting married for the second time, but this is the first wedding for the bride. They are planning a back yard wedding. My sister-in-law realizes she has to host the Rehearsal Dinner. The problem is they have told her that the bridal party and their husbands and children are included as well as out of town guests. My sister-in-law has a very limited income and is very concerned that the bride will want the dinner to be at an expensive restaurant. Is it OK for her to plan a buffet for the dinner in the back yard and should the children be included if they are not in the wedding? Who should be included at the Rehearsal Dinner?
  What is the time frame for thank yous for wedding gifts?
  I want to write a check as a wedding gift, would I put both names on the check or either the bride or grooms name thank you corinne meade
  Please tell me what the right amount of cash is to put in my nieces Wedding Card? I don't want to feel that I am not putting in the correct amount. Ffrom my husband, daughter, and myself. We live in the Boston MA. area.
  whAT IS PROPER ATTIRE FOR A PREGNANT WOMEN TO WEAR TO A WEDDING IN THE THIRD TRIMESTER. a SUNDAY MORNING WEDDING.
  Hi Valerie! How do you list 2 Best Men in the Church Program? Is it just written Best Men and both names, or do you list them one under the other like Best Man..........John Doe Best Man..........Joe Doe The girls' listings are no problem since my daughter is having a Maid of Honor and a Matron of Honor.
  What is an appropriate amount to offer to the wedding pastor for his services?
  Valerie, my husband and I eloped Sep 2005, we didn't tell anyone and were just going to have our ceremony be a vow renewal (with only the close family members knowing is was a renewal) I'am realizing this is hard to keep from my friends and the rest of my family.....we are planning on having our ceremony/reception Aug 2007.....Would it be wrong to tell people that we eloped here in Hawaii. These are things we should have thought about before, but now we are in this mess. My family was already very hurt that we did not include them in the ceremony and I don't want to hurt anyone else by telling them that we were hitched a year ago. It just seems like it would be smoother and easier to send out announcements that we eloped now, and that we will be having a vow renewal later. Is any of this wrong??? I almost don't even want to plan a wedding, but my husband and I have always wanted a wedding, and we know we will regret it if we don't.
  Hi. Valerie: Where do the bride and groom put the envelopes that are collected at the wedding these days?
  Hi Valerie, My 20 year old daughter is getting married in July and in December she asked my neice, her cousin, who is the same age as my daughter, to be her maid of honor. She was very excited and said she thought the dresses that my daughter had picked out for the attendants were beautiful. When the time came to order the right sizes and colors of dresses the other 2 attendants, bidesmaids, did it right away and when my daughter called her cousin to see if she had ordered hers yet she said, she really did not think she should have to pay for a dress that she didn't like the looks of or the color and would never ever wear again. She also said that it was proper etiquette for the brides parents to pay for the dresses. My daughter gave her 3 other options for dresses and 2 more colors to choose from, since she was to be the maid of honor she thought it would be okay for her to wear a different style if she liked it better and would be able to pay for it. Her reply was that she still felt it was the brides parents duty to pay for the dresses. I know my sister can help her out financially if she needs it, but I just found out that my sister (who is my best friend) also thinks we should pay for the dresses. I told my daughter to just let her cousin off the hook and she appointed her best friend, who has already purchased her dress and was suppose to be a bridesmaid, to be the maid of honor. What is the proper etiquette for this situation.
  Hi Valerie, my daughter is getting married in october, she is catholic and her fiance is penticostal. He wants his uncle to officiate the ceremony. His uncle's church is not large enough to accomidate the guests (120ish). He located another church to use however it looks like a store instead of a church. I don't think it is what my daughter had in mind for her fairytale wedding. My question is, Is it ok to suggest that they use our church and just have the uncle assist with the ceremony. If he declines who chooses. Is it ok to suggest that if he is insistent on using that church that perhaps his family contribute the cost of the church and the minister to the wedding. So far they are not contributing anything and do not plan on having a rehearsal dinner. I hope you can advise.
  Hi Valerie, my daughter is engaged to be married a year from now and she is planning who to be in wedding. Because she waited until she's 29 to get engaged and will be 30 when she marries all her friends/relatives who she would like to be in the wedding are now married. My question is can she have all matron on honors instead of bridesmaids or is that not proper etiquette??? Or what to call the married ladies in the wedding party?? Please HELP a confused "mother of the bride"!!!
  Hi Valerie, My boyfriend's (soon to be fiance's) daughter is engaged and planning her wedding. He has two questions; 1) Both he and his ex are paying for the wedding, what is the correct wording for the invitations? 2) What is the appropriate seating at the reception, do we all sit at the same table, or should he and I sit at one table with his family and his ex and her boyfriend sit at another table with her family? Any information you can give would be appreciated. Thank you.
  This is my and my fiance's second marriage. I am getting ask if we have registered any where and I didn't think it would be proper to register? What is the proper ediquett for the second time around?
  I want to be sure I have the correct number of wedding favors. I think you should have one per couple or single people you invite or an easier way to say this is one per invitation you send out. Is this correct? Thanks for your help.
  My fiance is in the military and we are stationed in AZ. All our family and friends are in WA. We don't have much money right now as I just moved my daughter and I to AZ and haven't found employment yet. We are thinking about getting married at City hall and then in a few months when the weather is better, driving home to "renew or repeat our vows" and have a small reception. Is this tacky? I think it is but we don't really have another option if we want a traditional ceremony. What do you think?
  Valerie - Not sure where this question should be posted...but we have a wedding this weekend at 3:00 for the Catholic church service and 5:30 the reception at a private club in Washington, DC starts with dinner and dancing. The question is: Is it appropriate for my 25 year old son to wear his tuxedo to the wedding and reception or should he wear a suit. Thank you, Ann
  I am getting married in 12 days, I was adopted when I was 6 weeks old and have recently found my biological parents. They seperated after putting me up for adoption but will both be attending the wedding with their dates. I was going to have them seated but then changed my mind, I was going to have them introduced at the ceremony, but changed my mind. I think I am going to do a speech after the maid of honor and the best man. I feel like announcing them as my biological parents is some-what cold and announcing them as my birth parents just doesn't sound sophisticated. Do you have any advice on how to approach the subject?
  My sister-in-law got married on a cruise ship. This was her second wedding. What is the correct gift etiquette? I know we chose to go away for the 5 days and spend the extra money, but do we still get them a gift?
  We wish to not have Children under 12 years attend the reception. How do we word this on the reception response card?
  My mom who is a widow, is dating a man who is also a widow. Since my dad has died, is it proper for my mom's boyfriend to sit next to my mom at the wedding? My friends tell me that the space next to my mom should be left empty, to honor my "late" dad. What do you think? Please help me out!
  I was just wondering what the proper etiquette is for the wording of the couples names on favors and other wedding related items? Does the brides name go first, or does the grooms?
  My fiance and I are going to be married in October. We both have been previously married. We're planning a very small, non-formal ceremony. We also both have children that I think we're going to include in the ceremony. Question 1 - should we all walk in together or should we already be seated maybe on the first pew, he with his daughter and me with my children, then together stand up and in the front of the church ? Question 2 - for the reception, do we still do the receiving line thing and the cake cutting and feeding each other, etc.... I thought he and I would make a opening toast to everyone there to begin the reception. Also, I've done some research on children's gifts. I found some cute silver necklaces for the girls but I have a son that's 12, do you have any suggestions for a gift for him ?
  I am a 32-year-old woman who has never been married. My significant other is 41-years-old and has been married before (he is a man). I have a 10-year-old daughter from a brief previous relationship and we have a five-year-old son together. We have been together for 7 years and living together for 6. He has been a father to my daughter since she has been 3. Marriage was never a big issue for us --he had a very bad divorce. Now we would like to tie the knot. I would like a traditional wedding, only toned down. What is the proper etiquette for are unique situation?
  My daughter is having her wedding at a small church. There is going to be approximately 250 guests. The worship center is big enough but, the fellowship hall is very small and can't seat all the guests. Is it ok to have some guest seated and others standing for a dessert reception?
  I am the maid of honor in a wedding. I threw a great shower, and took her out for a bachelorette party. Between the shoes, hair, dress, etc. I am up over $1000. Am I supposed to get her a gift also? After all this, I don't want to be called cheap!! Thank you
  Hi Valerie, could you please tell me how the tapered candles for the unity candles get lit, who lights them?
  My Mother and Father are divorced, My Mother has remarried, where does my Father set after giving me away, he has not remarried.
  Valerie, My Fiance asked her cousin to be one of her brides maids. At first her cousin was excited and honored that she was chosen to be in the wedding party. A day later my fiance recieved an email from her cousin asking if her husband was going to be one of my best men, which we was not as I had already asked the people I felt were the most important in my life to be my best men. her cousin went on to say that in her wedding the people she had in her wedding party were paired up w/ their husbands/wifes and those who didn't have any were paired w/ other who didn't! In addition she stated that she didn't want her husband to feel uncomfortable and hoped that he would be included. "on a side note my fiance has chosen her sister and I have included her husband my fiance's brother in law to be a grooms man out of respect for what they have done for my fiance as she was growing up. "My fiance replied to her stating that I had already chosen my best men and that he would not be included, in addition he shouldn't feel uncomfortable and that we have nothing again him! long story short her cousin turn it all around as though my fiance was disrespecting them and that she thought they were family and didn't appreciate the tone of her "Email" My question to you is " Is it writen or said anywhere that if you have one part of a married couple or significatant other in the wedding that the other should be included?" My contention is "NO" and think that her cousin is acting childish that her own marital issue that she needs to work out! Please advise! Michael Murphy/California
  My daughter would like her father to walk her down the aisle, but he is the officiating pastor. What is the proper way to do this?
  I am the mother of the groom and would like to know if giving my future daughter a card for her bridal shower with a note in it saying that my husband and I will pay for the rehearsal dinner is tacky or just not proper?
  My daughter is about to be engaged. There is one recurring issue that she and her soon-to-be fiancée discuss. My daughter has a cousin (my husband's niece) that is extremely rude to her. This past Christmas, my daughter hosted my husband's family at her house. It is a tradition with this celebration that names are drawn and gifts are exchanged. My daughter and her boyfriend drew the name of this cousin and her new husband. When the cousin arrived at the house, she brought with her a bottle of champaign for the hosts (which she gave to my husband, not my daughter). She never said hello to my daughter and her boyfriend (the hosts) at all. She never thanked them for their gifts - and - when she left, she never said goodbye - AND - she had the nerve to retrieve her champagne and take it home with her. My daughter and her boyfriend have expressed several times that when they get married, they are not inviting her to the wedding. I know that this day is very special for them - and they should be surrounded by people that sincerely love them and appreciate them. How do you handle a situation like this? The mother of the cousin is my husband's sister.
  Hello. Is it proper etiquette to mail the Pastor of the ceremony an invitation to the wedding? Thank you for your time.
  Hi Valerie My future mother-in-law is complaining about everything we've done. She doesn't like the invitations because we did not include parent's names on them. We are paying for our own wedding, and there are divorces and remarriages so we'd thought the way we did it would be best. Now I am really dreading everything about my own wedding because I feel she's going to try to ruin it for us. Any advice on how to deal with a nightmare like this?
  I am the Maid of Honor.. this is the 2nd wedding for the bride and the 3rd for the groom. the groom had a medium size wedding already. What is the proper etiquette for a Bridal shower? they have been living together for 3 yrs.
  Hi Valerie, My wedding is in 5 weeks. All the bridesmaids dresses, shoes, undergarments have been purchased & paid in full by my attendants. I had a bridesmaid call me today to inform me that since her husband & her don't care for one set of my fiancé's friends, that she would rather not be in the wedding instead of possibly ruining my wedding day in case of a scene at the reception. As dumbfounded as I am by this, I need to know if I should offer to reimburse her for the expenses that she has already paid for.
  Dear Valerie, The mother of the groom would like to wear the same color as my bridesmaids. would this be considered tacky?
  I would like to know how to let family and friends know that me and my fiancé have set our date back. We are dearly in love and just want to have the best wedding and reception, but now just isn't the time. The wedding is in September. I think I should let everyone know now. Should I send out cards? But, how do I word them. Please Help!
  I have a few questions, I hope that you will be able to answer for me. First, should the fiancée of the best man be invited to the rehearsal dinner? Second, should she ride in the limo to the church, and from the church to the reception? Third, at the reception where should she be seated? Hope you can help. I'm stressed... If you or anyone can tell me the proper etiquette to handle this please email me at rowanprincess@aol.com. Thanks, Laura
  Is is in bad taste to have guests stand outside gazebo for the ceremony? The parents will be seated inside.
  Please help soon!! My stepmother just called and gave me a HUGE guilt trip because my fiancé' and I had not planned on asking my father to help pay for our wedding--we are planning to get married in Jamaica, with all the family included. Being 35 and my fiancé' being 38, we just assumed we were on our own for financing the wedding. This is my first wedding (but his second). I have learned from my stepmother that my father is crushed because I didn't ask him to help pay for our wedding. He has apparently been wanting to give me a wedding since I was a little girl. (Which I just found out) However, we are financially able to do this ourselves, and I didn't want to ask my father for the money, although he can afford to help. I was trying to be helpful, but it seems to have hurt some feelings. Was this out of line for me, or was my stepmother wrong? I certainly would never want to hurt my fathers feelings.
  We are getting married in a very small ceremony, however we want to "announce" or marriage to all family and friends. What is the proper way to do this and where can I find some wording examples?
  my future parents-in-law have given us several gifts since we have gotten engaged, including gifts at a shower as well as other gifts designated as "wedding gifts." they are also paying for our reception and honeymoon. how does etiquette pronounce that we should thank them for their generosity? if i send them thank-you notes, they will receive many! please advise? thanks!
  hi valerie, my son is getting married soon. he is 28 and is having his brother who is 18 as his best man. since is brother is young he has also asked his lifelong friend to be his best man also so he can plan the bachelor party. how can we announce them his brother would be best man and as of now we are saying his friend is the honorary best man. i'm not sure if that is the proper way to say it. can you think of anything else? we are having an engagement party and will be introducing the wedding party and i just don't know what to call them. thanks
  Dear Valerie, I am the maid of honor in my friends wedding in three weeks. There are six girls in her wedding. We gave her a shower for around 80 guests and also bought her a gift. Some of the girls in the wedding party are not sure as to whether or not we are supposed to give the bride and groom a monetary gift at their wedding also. Any advice you can give would help us. Thanks
  I don't want kids to be at my Bridal shower. ( I have nothing against kids) I want it to be for adults only. How do I word it properly without hurting feelings or sounding rude on the invitations??
  My son is getting married in the Catholic church and says that only his father and I are to sit in the "Parents" row. We are divorced and I am remarried. This is not a friendly divorce. Is there another option I can present to him, as I do not want to sit by his father.
  Valerie I was recently asked to be Best Man at my friends wedding, as a women I am not sure what the proper etiquette would be as far as dress, what I should be calling myself, how to handle the bachelor party. Could you maybe help me out in these areas. Thanks...
  How do we write a registry note to ask our guests to contribute to our honeymoon account? What is the proper etiquette?
  I believe the groom's parents are part of the bridal party. If my wedding is a semi-formal event, should the groom's father be fitted for a tuxedo? And, should his parents walk down the aisle??
  If a woman has been married before, should she wear both sets of wedding rings after the ceremony and if so, how should they be displayed on her finger(s)?
  How do you let the guests know that the bride and groom do not want gifts but just donations of money to help pay for the honeymoon and the house they are saving for? Is this okay?
  My Fiancé and I are paying for our own wedding, when our parents are introduced at the reception who gets introduced first? The brides parents or the grooms parents?
  Does the mother of the bride have to wear the colors of the bridal attendants? Or can I wear any color I want?
  I am the Mother of the Bride. I have a budget of $7,000 for the reception. The GROOM has chosen a venue that costs that amount, just for rental (no flowers, no food, no bar, no DJ, no photographer. He is insisting that we have the wedding there, and is causing friction between my daughter and me. I only have my father and 2 brothers on my side that will attend, and they are from out of state. I feel this is absurd for me to pay such a large amount and not even provide a meal for my family. How do I convince him to allow my daughter and me to plan this ourselves, and to stop interfering with the plans?
  Hi Valerie, My fiancé was married briefly once before. I was wondering if it might be considered "tacky" or strange in some way if one of his groomsmen was also a groomsman in his previous wedding? Are there any other no-no's that you know of regarding second weddings? It's only a second marriage for him; I've never been married before. Thanks for your advice.
  Is it proper for the father of the groom to function as a groomsman?
  I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else. If I want a small private wedding, do I have to invite everyone who gave me a party or can I have a large engagement party or a party some time after the wedding to include these folks?
  Hi Valerie, I am planning a small wedding with only a maid of honor and best man for the bridal party. I do have a younger cousin that is special to me and I would like to involve her. Any suggestions?
  Hi Valerie, I am not sure if this question falls under family or etiquette. My fiancé's parents are divorced and his step-mother has a very large family. His father and step mother also live an hour and a half away. Recently she asked if her whole family and herself could be invited to my shower. I am not throwing my shower, and my maid of honor cannot afford to pay for that many more guests to eat and drink. My cousin got married a year ago and her mother in law was invited to the shower that the maid of honor threw and then she had her own shower for their own friends and family. Is this wrong? Should my maid of honor have to rent a banquet hall just for the bridal shower, if not how do I tell my future step-mother-inlaw that she has to have her own shower?
  We are getting married in vegas, when we get back to our hometown we're having a dinner party in a first class restaurant. Is it good etiquette to have our guests pay their own way?
  Hi Valerie! I asked my sister to be my maid of honor because I do love her very much and we are usually very close. But I've been engaged for a year now and I'm getting married in 9 months and she hasn't really done anything at all to help me. My best friend is also a maid of honor I would like to have her first because of my sister not even being interested but I don't want to hurt her... is this wrong of me? And how would I tell my sister? And also, is it wrong to have two maid of honors?
  My mother-inlaw and father-inlaw to be do not get along. He is remarried and wants to help us financially with the wedding, but he has a limit. She says she cannot afford to help us that much, but is constantly volunteering his money. I feel like I am caught in the middle. My parents are helping us the most. Although my fiancé and I are paying for the majority of the wedding. It seems to have become a contest with my future inlaws. His mother has been really mean to me lately and it is causing so much stress for everyone. How can I get things back on track so the wedding doesn't end up in Vegas like my fiancé wants?
  DOES THE BRIDE AND GROOM LIGHT THE UNITY CANDLE BEFORE THEY ARE PRONOUNCED MAN AND WIFE OR AFTER
  Hi Valerie I have a brother who is getting married and I am his only sister who is the closest in age and whom I've helped out and stood beside my whole life. His fiancé has one sister and I have 2 other brothers. Am I wrong for being very hurt and upset that I was not asked to be in their wedding and all other siblings are? She has chosen her sister and 2 friends and told my brother I could stand up for him. I am not used to this untraditional situation and do not even want to attend their wedding now under these circumstances.
  My daughter is having a little girl carry the rings instead of a little boy, is there some other term rather than ring bearer?
  Do i have to ask my fiancé's only sister to be in the bridal party? We are not close, but all the other siblings in the family are in the bridal party. I dont want to do the wrong thing by not asking, but i already have 3 sisters and 3 close friends in the bridal party? Is there another position of honor i can give to her, or do i need to include her in the bridal party?
  Here's the deal..my boyfriend of 5 yrs and I are getting married next year and we have everything we could possibly need to make our house complete, dishes, coffeemaker ect.Heres my question I have spoken to a travel agent, and they have agreed to set up an acct for people to donate to for our honeymoon. I just can't see doing gift registry when we don't need anything. What do you think about this? And how would you word that?
  who rides with the bride to the church?
  Is the bride's sister usually in the wedding party (either the maid of honor or one of the bride's maids)? My very close cousin is going to to be my maid of honor and I was thinking about asking my sister to be one of my bride's maids. However, she has very little money. I am not paying for my bride's maids dresses, etc, because I'm on a budget as well. I will not be able to pay for her dress, and besides, it would be rude for me to pay for hers and not the other bride's maids. Since she is a very young 22 year old, she may ask my mother for financial help, but my mother has very little money also and I don't want them to feel burdened by this extra money they will have to dish out, money that they both don't really have. So should I even bother to ask my sister, or should I just not? I don't want people at the wedding to wonder why I didn't include my sister in the wedding party and think it's rude.... And I don't want my sister to feel insulted either. Then again, I don't think she's even expecting me to ask her about being part of the wedding party, she knows absolutely nothing about weddings and has no clue as to what is included in one. (like I said, she is a very young 22 year old....) How should I handle this?
  I am the mother of the bride. Is it okay for the groom to see the wedding dress just not on the bride until the actual ceremony?
  My daughter is having a very small wedding, 20 people in all. She has asked me to be her matron of honor. I am touched and honored. I would not stand up with her during the ceremony, but will sit next to my husband as she & her husband-to-be say their vows. Is this ok to do?
  My son is getting married, I am single, so, I asked my future daughterinlaw if my son could escort me down the isle. I have seen this done at many weddings and find it charming. But, I was told I am not the star and should just go sit down. So what is right and wrong here.
  I am single and never get invited to weddings addressed to me "and guest". My friend argues that it's okay to respond with 2 attendees even though the invite did not read "and guest". I was even invited to a couples baby shower without the option of bringing a guest! What is your take with the single peron and "guest" situation? I feel that the invite should extend the invite to me with "and guest" noted.
  Can you help me with the wording for the easel needed for the guests, so they know that we are not meaning to be rude having them stand however this is however this is all there is room for, or something is that manner....
  My boyfriend and I decided to get married at the courthouse - I am not interested in having a big ceremony and reception. He is from Australia and getting married will help him get reesidency and help us a great deal. In a couple years we'd like to go to Australia and celebrate. But in the meantime, what do I tell friends and relatives? Will they want to give gifts? Should we announce getting married? How? What advice can you offer?
  Who do I have to invite to the wedding?
  Is it appropriate for the Mother of the Bride or Groom to wear a White Dress to the Wedding?
  Is it appropriate for the Bride or Grooms Mother to wear a White Dress to the Wedding?
  For the something old how old does old have to be is 10 years old enough Thanks for any help
  I went away to get married Can I come home and have a reeption and renewal of vows? Also I didn't have a bridal shower Can I have a post one even if I already got married I feel as if I missed out.
  My best friend and the groom don't get along. I want my best friend to be a groomsman but I don't think my fiance will allow it. How can I ask him and get him to say yes?
  Who do I invite to the rehearsal dinner?
  Who pays for the rehearsal dinner?
  What do I do with the gifts I receive before the wedding?
  How do I inform people of my registry?

 

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