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Thursday, January 23, 2020

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  Hi Valerie. My son and future daughter in law have approximately 300 hundred dear friends who they would love to invite to their wedding. However, their fianances and budget requires them to keep the number of guests at the reception to 150 only. Is there a solution to this at all? Thank you for your wise counsel.
  Hi Valerie ~ My 21 yr old step-daughter is planning to get married in June 2009. I've been married to her father for 18 yrs and she is like my own daughter. She grew up in her Moms home. Here is my dilema: Amanda has been with Jake since she was 15 yrs old and has never dated anyone else. We paid the entire bill for her biological brothers college and planned on paying for hers too, which we did the first year only to find out after the fact that she moved in with her boyfriend the first month and all of our dorm and food expenses where needlessly wasted (approx. $4.5K). She knew how we felt about "living together" unmarried, but she chose to do it secretly anyway. Her mother knew but never told us (we also found out that her mother has let them sleep together starting at a young age). We explained how disappointed we were and told her that we would now only pay for her college expenses which we have done. She believes we have been very unfair. She also graduates in June of 2009 from the University. We really do not care for this young man as he is very controlling, but since she is now an adult we feel we must support her decisions as our daughter. He is uneducated and makes around $35k a year. She just got an apprentice job and will be making approx. $45k upon graduation. My husband and I have been paying for two home mortgages for 1.5 years now as one of the homes has been on the market that long. We have dropped the sale price of that home by $80k and it still hasn't sold. We are trying to rent it too. Our retirement has diminished about 30% with the recent market decline. We also have two biological children of our own in middle school. We have told Amanda that we wish she would wait at least one more year, but she refuses. She is very upset that we have told her that we can only give her $5k for her wedding (we will have to take this out of our retirement), but if she waits a year we could probably help with more. Both her and her boyfriend feel we should pay at least $15k . She has not asked her mom for any money, nor her future inlaws, of whom we have never met. Amanda lives very close to us and 5 hours from her mom. She wants to have the wedding here in town. Because of my contacts she wants my help for all decisions. My husband and I will be inviting about 60 people on our side, her moms list is 100 people, the grooms family is 75 people, and their list is 25 people. Are we being unreasonable on our amount? Do you feel she is too young also? Please help!
  I am the divorced Father of a 29 yr. old son who is about to get married to a 35 year old fiancee'? My question is as follows: My Ex-Wife(his mother) and I are willing to pay for the wedding rehearsal dinner and have looked at several places. The affair is out of town but we have been in contact with several possible places. I had sent a list of three potential restaurants and asked my son a particular time for the dinner. My son responded with an e-mail from his fiancee stating another place that she would like to have the rehearsal dinner at. I am afraid that this place is out of our price range? No response was given for the time for the dinner either. I have no problem with paying for the rehearsal dinner but I do have a problem with the fiancee requesting where she would like to have the dinner? What should I do?
  I am mother of the bride. My question is when the photographer shows us the proofs to order from, who is responsible for photos ordered by the parents of the groom?
  Hello Valerie, I reconnected with my birthson 6 years ago and we've written, emailed and have seen each other numerous times since then. Our relationship has been a very positive. He lives in a different part of the country but we keep in touch and I just met his adoptive mother over Easter and it was all very positive. He is getting married in September. I am invited to the wedding. I was wondering how much money to give as a gift. I am not rich but I will give as much as I can. I also have to fly there for the wedding, which will cost around $500. I don't want to give too small a gift, yet I don't want to go crazy if I can't afford it ! I usually give him money for Christmas and birthdays, over $200 each time. He's 27 years old. And I give gifts in between for other holidays. Both of them work and live together and plan to go to Europe for their honeymoon. The adoptive mother is not rich. So, how much do you recommend that I give? Thanks, WW
  This involves a long-time, hurtful situation concerning my husband's daughter. She's announced that she is marrying next year and her mother informed her that she needed to get $4,000 from her father for the reception or he wouldn't be allowed to walk her down the aisle. In my opinion, at 33 she should be paying towards this wedding and also standing up to her mother as to what she wants for this day. My husband will contribute towards the event, but we are not able to do a lot; demanding $4,000 to me is blackmail, undignified and demeaning, especially since the initial engagement announcement was met with, "all you want is a big party". Please help!
  Hi Valerie, This is a rather complicated question, I will deatil as much as possible. My husbands 18 year old daughter whom lived with us for the entire length of our marriage (6 years) and lived with her dad after the divorce, quite High school and moved in with her wealthy boyfriend and his parents (which are actually his Grandparents). She says she is working on finishing High school. Anyway, that was just to give you a bit of background. Saturday afternoon while my husband and myself were at our Barbershop, her "fiancee' dad called my husband to ask him if he wanted to be part of the wedding. In the first place, she had NEVER called her dad to tell him she was officially engaged, and that they had picked a date, this was a complete surprise to him, and of course he said yes! He heard it from her soon-to-be in-laws. Anyway, I asked my husband many questions pertaining to the conversation, but most importantly I asked him what the Father of the Groom meant went he asked if my husband wanted to be a part of it. A couple of days went by, still his daughter has not called him to make her announcement, so he called her. This is where it gets strange. I guess these people with all their money decided to go out a put a deposit on Carlsbad Country Club, and they've already made other decisions. My step daughter says its not her business to know how much money is being spent, and what our obligations will be, that my husband needs to talk to them. Now heres the question; Theres no way my husband and I can afford even the thought of a country club, yet alone contribute, we are so strapped financially, and my step-daughter asked her dad if he wanted to be apart of her life? How do we handle this situation?? Do we need to embarrass ourselves by telling them how little money we make, and have his daughter hold it against him because he didnt have all the money to make her dreams come true? how should he talk to her about this? have you ever heard of such a thing?

 

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