Welcome to Valerie
Friday, December 13, 2019

Ask Valerie
 Browse FAQs Categories     
Home  Finances & Budget Print Selected FAQs
  Hi Valerie. My son and future daughter in law have approximately 300 hundred dear friends who they would love to invite to their wedding. However, their fianances and budget requires them to keep the number of guests at the reception to 150 only. Is there a solution to this at all? Thank you for your wise counsel.
  Hi Valerie ~ My 21 yr old step-daughter is planning to get married in June 2009. I've been married to her father for 18 yrs and she is like my own daughter. She grew up in her Moms home. Here is my dilema: Amanda has been with Jake since she was 15 yrs old and has never dated anyone else. We paid the entire bill for her biological brothers college and planned on paying for hers too, which we did the first year only to find out after the fact that she moved in with her boyfriend the first month and all of our dorm and food expenses where needlessly wasted (approx. $4.5K). She knew how we felt about "living together" unmarried, but she chose to do it secretly anyway. Her mother knew but never told us (we also found out that her mother has let them sleep together starting at a young age). We explained how disappointed we were and told her that we would now only pay for her college expenses which we have done. She believes we have been very unfair. She also graduates in June of 2009 from the University. We really do not care for this young man as he is very controlling, but since she is now an adult we feel we must support her decisions as our daughter. He is uneducated and makes around $35k a year. She just got an apprentice job and will be making approx. $45k upon graduation. My husband and I have been paying for two home mortgages for 1.5 years now as one of the homes has been on the market that long. We have dropped the sale price of that home by $80k and it still hasn't sold. We are trying to rent it too. Our retirement has diminished about 30% with the recent market decline. We also have two biological children of our own in middle school. We have told Amanda that we wish she would wait at least one more year, but she refuses. She is very upset that we have told her that we can only give her $5k for her wedding (we will have to take this out of our retirement), but if she waits a year we could probably help with more. Both her and her boyfriend feel we should pay at least $15k . She has not asked her mom for any money, nor her future inlaws, of whom we have never met. Amanda lives very close to us and 5 hours from her mom. She wants to have the wedding here in town. Because of my contacts she wants my help for all decisions. My husband and I will be inviting about 60 people on our side, her moms list is 100 people, the grooms family is 75 people, and their list is 25 people. Are we being unreasonable on our amount? Do you feel she is too young also? Please help!
  I am the divorced Father of a 29 yr. old son who is about to get married to a 35 year old fiancee'? My question is as follows: My Ex-Wife(his mother) and I are willing to pay for the wedding rehearsal dinner and have looked at several places. The affair is out of town but we have been in contact with several possible places. I had sent a list of three potential restaurants and asked my son a particular time for the dinner. My son responded with an e-mail from his fiancee stating another place that she would like to have the rehearsal dinner at. I am afraid that this place is out of our price range? No response was given for the time for the dinner either. I have no problem with paying for the rehearsal dinner but I do have a problem with the fiancee requesting where she would like to have the dinner? What should I do?
  I am mother of the bride. My question is when the photographer shows us the proofs to order from, who is responsible for photos ordered by the parents of the groom?
  Hello Valerie, I reconnected with my birthson 6 years ago and we've written, emailed and have seen each other numerous times since then. Our relationship has been a very positive. He lives in a different part of the country but we keep in touch and I just met his adoptive mother over Easter and it was all very positive. He is getting married in September. I am invited to the wedding. I was wondering how much money to give as a gift. I am not rich but I will give as much as I can. I also have to fly there for the wedding, which will cost around $500. I don't want to give too small a gift, yet I don't want to go crazy if I can't afford it ! I usually give him money for Christmas and birthdays, over $200 each time. He's 27 years old. And I give gifts in between for other holidays. Both of them work and live together and plan to go to Europe for their honeymoon. The adoptive mother is not rich. So, how much do you recommend that I give? Thanks, WW
  This involves a long-time, hurtful situation concerning my husband's daughter. She's announced that she is marrying next year and her mother informed her that she needed to get $4,000 from her father for the reception or he wouldn't be allowed to walk her down the aisle. In my opinion, at 33 she should be paying towards this wedding and also standing up to her mother as to what she wants for this day. My husband will contribute towards the event, but we are not able to do a lot; demanding $4,000 to me is blackmail, undignified and demeaning, especially since the initial engagement announcement was met with, "all you want is a big party". Please help!
  Hi Valerie, This is a rather complicated question, I will deatil as much as possible. My husbands 18 year old daughter whom lived with us for the entire length of our marriage (6 years) and lived with her dad after the divorce, quite High school and moved in with her wealthy boyfriend and his parents (which are actually his Grandparents). She says she is working on finishing High school. Anyway, that was just to give you a bit of background. Saturday afternoon while my husband and myself were at our Barbershop, her "fiancee' dad called my husband to ask him if he wanted to be part of the wedding. In the first place, she had NEVER called her dad to tell him she was officially engaged, and that they had picked a date, this was a complete surprise to him, and of course he said yes! He heard it from her soon-to-be in-laws. Anyway, I asked my husband many questions pertaining to the conversation, but most importantly I asked him what the Father of the Groom meant went he asked if my husband wanted to be a part of it. A couple of days went by, still his daughter has not called him to make her announcement, so he called her. This is where it gets strange. I guess these people with all their money decided to go out a put a deposit on Carlsbad Country Club, and they've already made other decisions. My step daughter says its not her business to know how much money is being spent, and what our obligations will be, that my husband needs to talk to them. Now heres the question; Theres no way my husband and I can afford even the thought of a country club, yet alone contribute, we are so strapped financially, and my step-daughter asked her dad if he wanted to be apart of her life? How do we handle this situation?? Do we need to embarrass ourselves by telling them how little money we make, and have his daughter hold it against him because he didnt have all the money to make her dreams come true? how should he talk to her about this? have you ever heard of such a thing?
  My fiance and I want to get married in November of 2007. With our income, I want to know would it be impossible? My fiance seems to think so, but I want to make it happen. Our combined annual income is 36k. Would we be able to make this wedding happen then, or should we set a later date?
  Who should be included in the rehersal dinner if the Grooms parents are paying for it? Should it include the extended family or just people in the wedding party?
  I (groom) am 31 and my fiance (bride) 30. We want to pay for at least some of our wedding, since we are somewhat established career persons. However, we also don't necessarily feel that its fair that we should be "punished" for waiting till later in life to marry. My fiances parents don't have a lot of money but are the type that they would spend their last dime on the wedding if we let them. We don't want them to sacrifice any future goals to make us happy. My parents have the money, but haven't offered anything yet. Perhaps because typically, in my family, we have followed "traditional" rules as far as who pays for what. Which means that in this case the ones with money don't have much to pay for. We are very much against the idea of asking either parents for money because we are thinking they will offer money if they want to. Help! How do we approach this situation without flat out asking my parents for money.
  If the parents of the bride are divored, does the father of the bride pay or are the expenses split?
  I've read that sponsor weddings are not a bad way to go when money is tight. How do you go about finding sponsors?
  How can I save money on the cake?
  Hi Valerie, My husband's step-neice is getting married on Nov 19th 2005 at 6:30 in the evening. Her father said that the wedding and recepition is going to be formal. Does this mean suit & tie, tux for the men; long formal dresses for ladies? My daughter and I were going to wear a dark colored mid calf dress and my husband and sone were going to were dress shirt and dress pants. They don't own a suite and tie. Also another family member is somewhat over weight and she usually wears a very nice pant suit. She was told that she has to wear a dress that was formal. What is formal?
  For a mid afternoon church wedding in February 2005 in snowy Pa.....are goacho pants with a shorter jacket appropriate for a mother of the groom?
  Hi Valerie, I'm going to get married for the second time next Feb 12 at 5:00 pm in San Francisco, Ca, It would be a very intimate ceremony in a restaurant and I wonder if I should wear a bridal gown and the groom a tuxedo or if I should wear a formal dress and the groom a dark suit, since I will not be walking down the aile. I'd appreciate also if you could help me define what would it be appropriate because of the hour of the event: the formal or the etiquette attire. Thanks
  Hi, My son and daughter in law want to have their Pastor and his family fly in from Virginia to Indiana where they are getting married to officiate their wedding. Who pays for the cost to fly them in. We are paying for the motel accommodations for the Pastor and his family but do we also pay to fly them in? Thank you, Vickie
  With a destination wedding, we as the bride's parents are paying for the bride and groom's packages. who is responsible for the cost of the groom's parents' and sister's package? this is a first wedding for both. thank you!
  I have a wedding in the family, and between the bride and one bridesmaid a color has been chosen which they want the whole family, (girls) to wear. Unfortunately this color is not suitable for some, and others don't have the funds to purchase a new dress. We will all be in the wedding photos and such. The men are wearing black. Would that be an acceptable substitute for the women as well? Is there any rules for family attire? The color she picked is cream, Odd with the bride's white?
  Valerie, i am going to be a bridesmaid in February and we are wearing long gowns and were told we could wear whatever type of shoe that we wanted as long as it was dyed to match the dress. Well me and my sister found these cute ballet slipper shoes from a bridal store that we bought. I'm am 5'6 and really didn't want to wear heels due to the fact i would be taller then the rest of the bridal party plus they were adorable....now we are being told we can not where them that she wants us in heels for the pictures.. who would see our shoes in the picture the dress is long. are we being Petty by putting up a stink
  I am newly divorced and am the mother of the groom. The wedding is a formal evening church wedding and I will be dressed in a formal evening gown. I am going to be escorted by a gentleman that is a life-long family friend. My question is: Would it be appropriate for my escort to wear a tuxedo? (My former husband and his new wife will be in attendance and he will be in a tuxedo and she will also be dressed in a formal evening gown as well as the brides parents.) Thank you for your help!
  I need to know what the groom's parents are responsible for as far as the wedding and the reception.


Copyright 2004-2019 Valerie's Weddings Privacy Statement   Terms Of Use