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Monday, August 10, 2020

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  Hi Valerie! I am the future mother of the groom. My husband and I would like to know whether we should invite our older son's wife's parents to our younger son's wedding. Thank you, Viviane
  Hi Valerie, I am the father of the bride. I am in a tough spot with my daughter and future son in law. I was told on the day that we were sending out the save the date cards that that they were having an adult only wedding. And to be frank it was done in a very rude way. now they do have 4 children in there wedding party so they will be attending the reception. It is an out of town wedding even for us. My brother has a ten year old son and they will have to travel about 5 hours to get to the wedding. they do not have any one that they can leave the him with for the weekend. so they wont be able to come, and if they cant make it my mother of 80 years wont be able to make the wedding either. Its killing me that they did not come to me sooner so we could have talked about this with love and compassion. I am paying for 80% of the wedding but I don't want to make that the issue. I know the day is theirs but why would they want me to be so unhappy on the day I give her away to him. I am very close to my family. They define me!. And to top it all off they have not spoken to my wife and I for 4 weeks now. It huts so much to be dismissed in this way. Please tell me am I wrong to want my whole family at their wedding. Any advice would be welcome. Steve
  Hi Valerie: My friend's daughter is getting married in May 2010. She wants her mother to be the only bridesmaid and her fiance's two brothers his groomsmen. Her daughter has two friends, one of which I am very close to. She doesn't want to make them bridesmaids, but wants to assign them jobs and buy dresses in the color and style she chooses. Is this appropriate? This woman that I am close to had her as a bridesmaid in her wedding. They have know each other and been friends since they were 8 years old. I am very torn about the whole thing because the bride to be and her mother are always asking my advise and help. Yet my close friend is terribly hurt by her friends actions.
  Hi Valerie, My son is getting married in October. My problem is that his mother & I are seperated and not talking to each other. What would the etiquette regarding keeping us away from each other be? Or should I just make a token appearence or not attend at all? I want this to be as enjoyable & stress free as possible to all. Thanks much for your input.
  Dear Valerie - My fiance and I are planning a small wedding. We asked my fiance's niece and nephew and his cousin's daughter to be the flower girls and ring bearer (age 7,6 and 6) . We did not ask his other nephew (the brother of the other 2 children age 3) to be in the wedding. As the wedding draws closer the parents are saying that probably won't bring the other nephew to the wedding because he will be very upset to be left out. There are cousins kids on my side of the family who I didn't ask either. Am I wrong not to have all the children in one family? Would it be appropriate for him to escort his grandmother (mother of the groom) who is alone? My mother is upset at the idea that there will be more children from my fiance's side of the family in the wedding and my cousins will be hurt. Does the mother of the bride have a say in who escorts the mother of the groom? Is an escort to a parent a role in the wedding party? Do my fiance and I have a right to be upset if they choose not bring the child?
  Hello Valerie. I have been engaged since December. My fiance and I are not getting married until June of next year, so the wedding is a little over a year from now. We are in the initial planning stages, and the only thing we know for sure is where the ceremony will be. We will be finalizing the reception site soon. Is it appropriate for me to wait until we have finalized the reception site before I ask attendants to be in my wedding? I have been dragging my toes a bit because I foresee a bunch of drama regarding my decision. I am having a difficult time deciding who to include. Also, does the maid of honor typically assist the bride (or go with the bride) to help make wedding-related decisions (such as taste-testing caterers or picking out flowers)? Who should the bride go to for assistance, and how much should the groom be involved in the planning?
  Dear Valerie, I am a first time bride and I face a tough issue. My father passed away in 2003, and more recently my Grandfather passed away in late 2008. I was wondering how I could go about setting a memorial of sorts for both of them at my wedding without seeming to morbid. Please, if you have any ideas on this, let me know. Thank you, Bria
  We have decided on 6 groomsmen, and 6 bridesmaids... I am having my 5 cousins (with whom I am close with) do stuff like cut the cake and greet guests... but I still have 3 close friends who I dont want to feel like they are being left out... what can I have them do so that they feel include too... someone told me that maybe they could be "escorts" such as escort the grooms father, and his 2 grand fathers down the aisle... does that sound silly???
  Hello Valerie. I have a question that hopefully will help my niece who is getting married in a few months. Her father (who she was very close to) passed away two years ago. He had remarried about a year before he died and my niece was involved in the step mother's life only as it pertained to her father. Recently, my niece was informed by her step-mother that she is seeing someone else--wanting her approval--which my niece does not care about--since the extent of the relationship with the step-mother was only that she was married to her father. My niece decided for a number of reasons not to include "and guest," on her step-mother's invitation. My niece and her fiance are paying for the wedding and have a very tight list, as well as the fact that she will have strong emotions this day with her father's absence and thinks it will be very awkward having his widow there with a date whom she has not even met and has no interest of having a relationship with him. After the invitations went out the step-mom has already questioned why she doesn't get to bring him. My niece explained that their list is tight. However, her step-mother kept pushing and is not satisfied with the answer. We (my sister/her mother) think her step-mom is being insensitive in that this man is not part of my niece's life, nor does she expect that he will be--and she will have a lot of emotion this day and knows up front she does not want this person there, but it doesn't appear she will understand. Does etiquette state it is my niece's rightful call to exclude "and guest?" even for a widowed step-parent.
  My son and future daughter in-law are getting married on Feb 28th in Washington State. The mother of the bride has yet to let me know what she is wearing or even a color she might wear. I have asked my future daughter in-law what she would like me to wear and she said what ever I want to wear is fine with her. I know her dress is not formal (because she is wearing my dress that I wore for my second wedding) it is calf length and white with a rose pattern in the material. Her bride’s maids are wearing royal blue dress that is long and my granddaughter is the flower girl and wearing a white organza dress with royal blue accent. The wedding is set for 3:00pm at a golf course. Ant there will be an informal reception after at the bride’s family’s home. What color and style dress should I wear? I am thinking maybe a chocolate brown color and knee length. I live in a very warm climate and fear that it will be very cold in Washington on that day.
  My fiancee and I decided that we would rather have a kid free wedding than run the risk of something happening (kid-related disaster). It would also be cheaper and we are on a very very tight budget (less than $7000) My fiancee's mother insisted on us having a ringbearer and flower girl since my fiancee's cousins are the perfect age. My first mistake was conceding to this and not sticking to my preferences. We agreed to the flower girl and ring bearer but I made clear to her that there would be no other children invited to the wedding. This was about 6 months ago. She is the main contact to his side of the family and never mentioned this to any of my fiancee's family. I did try to call and explain this to a few of the guests on his side, but my messages were not returned. Now, 2 weeks after the invites have been sent, his entire side of the family (including his mother!) has decided that they will not be attending because the children were not invited. Members of the family without children are also staying home to "support" the others. My fiancee and I are furious that something so small is keeping them all from attending the most important event of our lives. I am torn between inviting the kids and not sticking to what we wanted, or not inviting them and risk splitting ties with his family for a potentially long time. At this point, neither of us really want people with such a bad attitude there. It is also completely out of our budget to add these kids. Both our mothers are single parents and we just don't have the money. I really don't know what to do, and the wedding is in less than 2 months. I also have no idea how to handle a very controlling and angry (future) mother-in-law at my wedding. Please help!
  my son, and future daughter in-law, are soon to be wed. I just recently learned that she has invited by ex-husbands wife to join us on the wedding day with the wedding day to join the brides mother along with the bridesmaids, and me to be at the church earlier so we can all get ready for the wedding together. this makes me a little uncomfortable being that she has not really been close to my son, and that when he went to stay with her and his dad she was always very mean a manipulative to him. He says he doesn't see her much now and that when he does see his dad it's usually when she isn't around. She did not even attend his highschool graduation. I also have a problem with the fact that she is going to be escorted down the aisle along with me the grooms mother and the brides mother. Is this usually the practice for stepparents or should she already be seated and only the true parents be escorted down the isle. I could understand if they were close, and if she treated him fairly, but that has never been the case. She has always tried to be controlling and anytime his dad tries to help him with money or finance he has to hide it from her or she complains, even though the are always helping out her children or grandchildren. I just feel a little jilted that I raised him from the time he was 3 until he was 15, and now he is getting married and I'm suppose to share the limelite with her. Neverminding that the brides biological father and his wife is coming to the wedding but they are not being reconized at all because she says that she doesn't talk to them. I think that kind of sounds like a double standard. Please help! Am I being oversensative?
  My fiance and I are trying to figure out our wedding. But the first issue we are having is the location. We met in Coos Bay, Oregon where we live currently but not for much longer. We know that the wedding is for us and nobody else but we are both very close with our families and want them to be there. So our problem is where to have it. My family is in Southern California and his is in Massachusetts. There are some important people to him in his family that we know wouldn't be able to afford to fly to california for the wedding and there are quite a few people in my family (including my mother) that wouldn't be able to fly to massachusets for the wedding. What do you think would be the best/most inexpensive thing to do?
  Hi Valerie. My friend is getting married in less than 3 weeks and I am the maid of honor. I have been telling her for months now to let me know a schedule of events so I can ask off work in plenty of time. Well, apparantly she told her other bridesmaids when the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner were going to be, but forgot to tell me, even though I've been asking. Now I am unable to get off work that day and she is blaming me for it. She said that I should have known to take off work that entire week to help her, but I can't afford to do that. As of now we are not speaking. Should I have known to make myself available at all times or is she asking too much?
  Hi Valerie, I have 2 questions. First of all my husband and I have been married for almost five years now, when we got married we didn't have the money to have a wedding. So for our 5th anniversary in May of 2008 we are renewing our vowes and having the wedding and reception that we didn't get to have the first time. So my questions are: 1. My sister is one of my bridesmaids and she is not wanting to wear her hair like the other girls, she also has went and got a used pair of shoes that don't match what all the other girls are wearing, and all the other girls agreed on not wearing a necklace because of the cut of the dress. What do I do? 2. My mother in law volunteered to pay for the cake and the rehersal dinner, so now she calls me and asks me what we are doing about the food. Since she has waited so long to handle it all the places that we could have used are booked up. So now I have to have the dinner at my house. She said she would go to Wal-Mart and get fried chicken and that all my bridesmaids could bring a dish. Should you really ask your wedding party to cook for the rehersal dinner? I don't think so, but I could be wrong...
  My husband being the groom's father and I being the groom's step mother plus the groom's mother and stepfather are hosting the rehearsal dinner. Since the wedding is in the city where they couple now resides, most of the people attending will be from out of town. Should we include the invite to rehearsal dinner in the wedding invitation or send it by itself. Should the step parents be listed in the hosting or just the parents?
  Would it be ok to bring a 1 year old child to a wedding?
  Valerie, My sister-in-law is getting married next fall and is having isssues with who to invite or not to. One in particular is her brother who has a dringk problem. Every occasion he goes to and there is liquor he seems to start trouble. He caused a fight at his brothers wedding a few years back which resulted in the police showing up at the reception. My husband antother brother says not to invite him, but my sister-in-law feels it's her brother and she might have to. Does she have to?
  HI VALERIE! My stepdaughter is getting married and does not sound so far like she is having my two children in her wedding. They are old enough, in college, actually,my son and daughter. I have been married to her father for over a year and been together six years. The kids have nto done much together over the years, however, now they are stepbrother and stepsister to the bride-to-be. Do you think she should have my children IN the wedding party? I was thinking she would ask them, but it sounds like she is nto thinking about that end of it and only having them IN it, and asking my sonto do the pictures.(he does some wedding photos on the side, however, I don't think he wants to do FAMILY photos as he did not pursue doing her engagement picture. )Help! What do I do? Do I butt in and tell her she should have my kids in the wedding, or keep my mouth shut as it is after all, her wedding, not mine! help again!
  Hi Valerie! My Husband and I are renewing our vows in March 2008. I asked his cousin to be in the wedding and he said I think my church anniversary is that weekend. So because my husband wanted him in the wedding i changed the date. Now I have just called this cousin again and he moved his church function to te weekend of my wedding. His mother came to my house and told my husband to change the date so that he could be in it. I have everything booked for the 22nd. I don't think it is fair for me to change the daye again. I even have already made the invitations for this date. Do you think I should change it again or leave it where it is at? Please Help.
  My daughter is engaged and had a falling out with her first cousin, they have not spoken to each other in a year, should she ask her to be a bridesmaid because she is family?
  My stepson is getting married soon. My husband's ex wife's husband died and she has yet to remarry, and don't know if she ever will again. I have had many difficulties in the past with the ex wife. During my husband's son's graduations from HS and college, the ex wife insisted that pictures be taken of the 3 of them together. They totally excluded me from all family pictures. I do not think this is approprite since I have been married for 11 years to my husband! I was deeply hurt and I refuse to allow the same thing to happen at my stepson's wedding! The pictures were taken as if 'they' were "still a family" , even though she left my husband for another man over 13 years ago! My husband adopted my youngest son...We are a family! I do not think my husband should be taking pictures with his ex wife as if they are still married. I also am concerned over the ceremony as well as the wedding reception. I do not think I will be able to tolerate my husband dancing with his ex wife or any other traditional activity at weddings that might involve the parents of the bride and groom. Please tell me, what is appropriate in a wedding when the parents of the person getting married is divorced and remarried? I wonder if his ex would be taking pictures like that if she had a husband! My husband tells me that it is really 'nothing' and my mother in law stated that "I get to go home with my husband". Both tell me that it is really just to make his son happy and that it means nothing to go along with tradtional ceremony even though spouses are no longer married to each other.Tell me please, what is the appropriate thing to do? Should I just allow my husband to go along with whatever plans are made for his son's wedding? Would it be Ok to inform my stepson how uncomfortable I would be if I am excluded in pictures or wedding ceremony in favor of my husband and his ex in pictures or other wedding activities?


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